Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Three Women...

My husband sent me this email about 3 different women. He always looks for funny things that he could tease me about because i always have something to get back on him and i always end up winner, LOL! Anyways, here is his joke. I hope you fine this funny!
Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress... are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet again...
The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life. I love you more than my life..then we made love all night long."
The mistress stated: "Oh yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, the mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night long."
The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night. I got myself ready -- leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer... and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

What is a grandparent?

At my age, I can already be a grandparent as my oldest child will turn 21 this month. But no, nobody has gotten married yet, even it doesn't mean they have to get married to have a child, right? It's funny to know how kids see their grandparents and I could very well relate. Read what some kids say about grandparents.

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.' They don't say, 'Hurry up.' Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They! can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?' When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bedtime and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED.''OH,' ' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.'' GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.'

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Don't mess up with an older woman...

Do you have a grandma or know someone who is old enough to be considered as "an older woman"? If so, you know you can't win them, can you? Most, if not all of them hate to be told what to do and not to do. They would always say they sure know what to do and won't take any instructions especially from younger people. No, no Jose! You can't just beat them.
To show you an example, read on...
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officerslowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands itto the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the LIAR told you I was speeding, too!