Marriage Counseling

This is a forwarded email from my husband, just wanna share, hoping to brighten your day.

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this? 'The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

LA Police Gear Has The Best Police Gear!

My friend who must be a frustrated cop or soldier is into collecting police gear. He makes sure he got the best quality police gear you can think of. The recent addition to his collection is one of those Blackhawk holsters at LA Police Gear, a website where all kinds of quality police gear can be found. You may think it only caters to those in the military and police organizations. Absolutely not! It is for everyone who is interested to own quality police gear but in a much lower cost. If you are into it, then you just found the perfect police gear website – the LA Police Gear, where you enjoy excellent customer service, fast delivery, and special deals!

Man vs. woman: how to shower...

Why, why. why! Why do we always compare men and women in everything when we know for a fact that women are always superior over men, right girls? Anyway, after i posted those sexy photos of men here, husband got back and wanted to get even with me so he sent me something about how men and women take shower. Note the BIG difference!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower. Wash your face.Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this,
there is something SO very wrong with you.
Have a great day! Oh, and....woo woo!!!

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Cancel your credit card before you die!

My friend Babes sent me this joke! This is hilarious but is this really possible?

Now some people are really stupid!!!!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges Still Apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to The credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this Part!!!!)
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part About her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!)

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank : "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still Apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given ) After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know What more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could Just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."(What is wrong With these people?!?)
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet???

Men are not perfect either....

Lighten up on the ladies, men get older too! See the unbelievable transformation of these famous men over the years, to think they have money to spend to hide their real age but the pictures below clearly show that men do get older too! This is fun ladies, makes me feel better about my age, LOL!

Understanding women...

I can relate to this letter as I am myself suffering with PMS each month since i could remember. Sometimes, i could wish i am on menopause already so i don't have to endure those monthly pains but i know a lot of women in menopause who also wished they still have their periods. Oh well, hard to understand women, i agree!

Here is a letter i wanna share with you. Have fun reading it!

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . .

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin , TX

EZUnsecured: Where Getting Start Up Financing Is Quick And Easy

One of the things that amazes me here in the US is the way they transact business especially in getting loans. It is amazingly quick, no red tapes, with very minimal requirements, easy process, fast funding and excellent service. I am particularly talking about EZUnsecured where you can depend on for your financing needs such as for StartUp Financing and a lot more that concerns funding. In fact, I just recommended this to a friend who has been wanting to put up his own music store but kept on holding it off because he didn't have enough funds to start it with. With EZUnsecured, getting a Start-Up Financing has never been so easy. So, if anyone has this concern, consider your problem solved today! Don't waste your time, check out EZUnsecured now and get that Start Up Financing that you have been waiting for!

of birthmarks, bruise and tattoo....

My favorite blogger-friend Redlan talked about distinguishing birthmarks in his blog and asked me if I have one. Well Red, aside from my pimple scars in my face and my back, I have actually few of those distinguishing marks but it is so hard to get a pic of it, lol! Anyway, i saw one right in my left knee and asked hubby to take a pic of it and know what? When i saw the pic, what caught my eye was a bruise just below it which was more obvious than the birthmark itself. I don't even remember where i hit my knee that caused the bruise but i know i get all these when my period is coming. I guess that was it. Here is the birthmark on my knee that i am talking about.

But talking of marks in my body, I consider my tattoo at my lower back as the most distinguishing right now. The names etched there are nicknames of my four kids - Tintin, Lui, Pilot and Teray. For me, getting a tattoo is so painful, even painful than delivering a baby, no kidding! My kids have long real names (two names each) and won't fit in there if i used their real names plus i wouldn't think i could still bear the pain, OMG! But know what, after swearing at that moment never to subject myself to the pain of getting a tattoo ever again, now i want another one, maybe a tiny butterfly right in my ankle, lol! Here is my tattoo! It has faded a little bit after two years since i got it.

How about you? Do you have distinguishing marks on your body? I am excited to see it, wanna share it with us?